Would you know what to say if a friend told you about their breast cancer diagnosis? Jacob Soo first encountered a moment like this two decades ago. He was just 18 then.
A church volunteer, he was close to a young family that had just lost their father to lung cancer. Shortly after, the mother told him privately about her breast cancer diagnosis. Her two young children were then both under 10.
Soo was at a loss for words. And as a young man, he knew little about the disease. However, he sensed her deep fear, not just for herself, but for her children who would be orphaned if she too succumbed to cancer.
So he did the only thing he could at that point. He listened. “I became that invisible sounding board for her to share whatever she was fearful of,” Soo recalled.
The mother underwent treatment and recovered from breast cancer. But Soo did not forget the sense of helplessness he felt as a friend.
And many years later, when he came across a job advertisement for a leadership role at Breast Cancer Foundation (BCF), these memories came back to him.
By this point, the 41-year-old had spent around 20 years in the non-profit and public sector, including as executive director of the Archdiocesan Commission for the Pastoral Care of Migrants and Itinerant People.
Soo became BCF’s general manager on Sep 1. The social service agency advocates for early breast cancer detection, and provides education and psychosocial support – including support groups, art therapy and yoga classes – for those affected by breast cancer.
“It felt like a calling. Previously, I didn’t know much. I was ignorant… So perhaps it’s a homecoming – revisiting the topic of breast cancer again,” reflected Soo.
Is it challenging for a man to head BCF, tackling a cancer that mostly afflicts women and affects one of our most intimate body parts?
At first, Soo had his reservations. “It did cross my mind if I would be an outsider to the whole conversation.”
Soo initially had concerns about whether breast cancer survivors would open up to him but he says they have been warm and welcoming. (Photo: Breast Cancer Foundation)
But he feels that is precisely the point. Men should not see themselves as outsiders in a disease that profoundly affects so many women – mothers, wives, daughters, partners and dear friends.
However, stigma still surrounds the topic of breast cancer and mastectomy, and some women find it hard to discuss these topics even with their partner, said Soo.
He shared findings from a recent survey by BCF, The Estee Lauder Companies and Gilead Sciences involving 800 women in Singapore that found that 94 per cent of respondents wished people were more comfortable discussing breast health. Nearly half said they do not know where to begin.
“We want breast health to be something women can talk about openly, learn about easily, and act on early together, not alone,” Soo said.
“When we talk about normalising the conversation around breast cancer, we cannot take men out of the equation,” he added. “So how do we bring up some of these issues with men, and get them on board as allies to support breast cancer warriors?
“For me, entering this space as a man adds diversity to the conversation. And perhaps as a man, I can help to broach these conversations with men.”
Globally and in Singapore, breast cancer is on the rise. But these are not just numbers, said Soo. “Each person has a face, a name, a family and a personal experience,” he added.
Some BCF members have been diagnosed during their pregnancies, others while breastfeeding. One survivor was even diagnosed at 21 when she was a fashion student.
Soo (third from left) with Minister of State for Health and Digital Development Rahayu Mahzam, and the BCF team at the National Breast Cancer Awareness Month launch event on Sep 19. (Photo: Breast Cancer Foundation)
One of Soo’s most inspiring encounters was with BCF’s Paddlers in the Pink. This close-knit group of breast cancer survivors and supporters come together weekly to train and compete in dragon boating, and support each other through relapses and struggles, he said.
Their resilience, tenacity, strength, energy and joy are infectious, Soo added. “I met them on a Saturday morning, and after a long week, I felt a bit tired, but you can’t help being energised by them,” he laughed.
“Women are a hallmark of strength. They may go through all sorts of things in life, they can be at their lowest, but make no mistake about it, they will stand up,” he said.
“Our mission goes beyond awareness. It’s about empowering every woman to take charge of her breast health with confidence and support,” says Soo (third from left). (Photo: Breast Cancer Foundation)
Because cancer warriors undergoing treatment such as chemotherapy may feel nauseous and sick, a supportive and inclusive workplace where bosses and colleagues are willing to make provisions and arrangements during cancer treatment make a huge difference in the cancer battle, he told CNA Women.
“We want to deepen our advocacy and start real conversations about how workplaces can be more supportive and inclusive – not just for those in treatment, but for survivors and caregivers too.
“Our awareness talks and outreach booths are a good starting point. We hope to build on them to help colleagues and leaders understand what empathy in action really looks like,” he said.
Since BCF is self-funded and relies heavily on donations, one of their biggest challenges is consistent support and funding – a common issue for charities, Soo added.
Shortly after he came on board, Soo joined BCF’s Pink Ribbon Walk on Oct 11, rallying more than 5,000 participants to raise awareness and funds for BCF programmes and services.
Soo at BCF’s Pink Ribbon Walk on Oct 11, an annual flagship event which brought together more than 5,000 participants this year. (Photo: Breast Cancer Foundation)
Beyond such programmes, the general manager hopes to use technology to share moving stories that help the public better understand and empathise with breast cancer warriors.
Additionally, he is exploring how to leverage technology – including artificial intelligence – to connect women and cancer warriors to the right information or support.
Given that breast cancer is affecting women at a younger age, one of his key priorities is to push for younger women to actively do breast self-examinations. “Early detection saves lives,” Soo said.
The BCF study found that while many women know the importance of breast self-examinations, nine in 10 do not check regularly, he said.
“This is an action gap that, if left unaddressed, could affect breast health outcomes for years to come,” he added.
Soo also wants to strengthen BCF’s network of patient navigators, trained volunteers who guide and support individuals through the different stages of their breast cancer journey, from diagnosis to recovery.
“Every small action – a conversation started, a self-check done, a friend reminded of screening – brings us closer to a future where no woman faces breast cancer alone,” he said.
Soo’s conviction came from painful personal experiences. “Cancer is something that is close to my heart,” he told CNA Women.
Soo himself has close relatives who battled cancer. (Photo: Breast Cancer Foundation)
His grandfather died of intestinal cancer in his 80s and his grandaunt had womb cancer. Soo, who got married in June this year, said his wife’s mother succumbed to nasal cancer last year. And his own father battled and survived prostate cancer around 10 years ago.
“I remember very clearly when the doctor delivered the results to my dad. He was just reading off the chart but it was like a wave had hit us,” Soo recalled. “I looked at my dad, my dad looked at me, and there was just an awkward silence. Emotions were flowing and our minds went blank. We struggled to accept it.”
As his father’s caregiver – his only brother is based overseas – the pressure was on him to make the best treatment decisions, such as whether to opt for chemotherapy or surgery, and Soo was plagued with self-doubt.
Eventually, the family decided on surgery, and Soo’s father recovered. But the stress of this intense ordeal remains with Soo to this day.
“No one should have to go through this alone,” Soo said. At BCF, he hopes that breast cancer warriors know that they always have a community to support them.
CNA Women is a section on CNA Lifestyle that seeks to inform, empower and inspire the modern woman. If you have women-related news, issues and ideas to share with us, email CNAWomen [at] mediacorp.com.sg (CNAWomen[at]mediacorp[dot]com[dot]sg).
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A church volunteer, he was close to a young family that had just lost their father to lung cancer. Shortly after, the mother told him privately about her breast cancer diagnosis. Her two young children were then both under 10.
Soo was at a loss for words. And as a young man, he knew little about the disease. However, he sensed her deep fear, not just for herself, but for her children who would be orphaned if she too succumbed to cancer.
So he did the only thing he could at that point. He listened. “I became that invisible sounding board for her to share whatever she was fearful of,” Soo recalled.
The mother underwent treatment and recovered from breast cancer. But Soo did not forget the sense of helplessness he felt as a friend.
And many years later, when he came across a job advertisement for a leadership role at Breast Cancer Foundation (BCF), these memories came back to him.
By this point, the 41-year-old had spent around 20 years in the non-profit and public sector, including as executive director of the Archdiocesan Commission for the Pastoral Care of Migrants and Itinerant People.
Soo became BCF’s general manager on Sep 1. The social service agency advocates for early breast cancer detection, and provides education and psychosocial support – including support groups, art therapy and yoga classes – for those affected by breast cancer.
“It felt like a calling. Previously, I didn’t know much. I was ignorant… So perhaps it’s a homecoming – revisiting the topic of breast cancer again,” reflected Soo.
BREAKING THE SILENCE ON BREAST CANCER
Is it challenging for a man to head BCF, tackling a cancer that mostly afflicts women and affects one of our most intimate body parts?
At first, Soo had his reservations. “It did cross my mind if I would be an outsider to the whole conversation.”
Soo initially had concerns about whether breast cancer survivors would open up to him but he says they have been warm and welcoming. (Photo: Breast Cancer Foundation)
But he feels that is precisely the point. Men should not see themselves as outsiders in a disease that profoundly affects so many women – mothers, wives, daughters, partners and dear friends.
However, stigma still surrounds the topic of breast cancer and mastectomy, and some women find it hard to discuss these topics even with their partner, said Soo.
He shared findings from a recent survey by BCF, The Estee Lauder Companies and Gilead Sciences involving 800 women in Singapore that found that 94 per cent of respondents wished people were more comfortable discussing breast health. Nearly half said they do not know where to begin.
“We want breast health to be something women can talk about openly, learn about easily, and act on early together, not alone,” Soo said.
“When we talk about normalising the conversation around breast cancer, we cannot take men out of the equation,” he added. “So how do we bring up some of these issues with men, and get them on board as allies to support breast cancer warriors?
“For me, entering this space as a man adds diversity to the conversation. And perhaps as a man, I can help to broach these conversations with men.”
BATTLING ALONGSIDE BREAST CANCER WARRIORS
Globally and in Singapore, breast cancer is on the rise. But these are not just numbers, said Soo. “Each person has a face, a name, a family and a personal experience,” he added.
Some BCF members have been diagnosed during their pregnancies, others while breastfeeding. One survivor was even diagnosed at 21 when she was a fashion student.
Soo (third from left) with Minister of State for Health and Digital Development Rahayu Mahzam, and the BCF team at the National Breast Cancer Awareness Month launch event on Sep 19. (Photo: Breast Cancer Foundation)
One of Soo’s most inspiring encounters was with BCF’s Paddlers in the Pink. This close-knit group of breast cancer survivors and supporters come together weekly to train and compete in dragon boating, and support each other through relapses and struggles, he said.
Their resilience, tenacity, strength, energy and joy are infectious, Soo added. “I met them on a Saturday morning, and after a long week, I felt a bit tired, but you can’t help being energised by them,” he laughed.
“Women are a hallmark of strength. They may go through all sorts of things in life, they can be at their lowest, but make no mistake about it, they will stand up,” he said.
HIS ASPIRATION: TO WALK THE JOURNEY WITH THEM
“Our mission goes beyond awareness. It’s about empowering every woman to take charge of her breast health with confidence and support,” says Soo (third from left). (Photo: Breast Cancer Foundation)
Because cancer warriors undergoing treatment such as chemotherapy may feel nauseous and sick, a supportive and inclusive workplace where bosses and colleagues are willing to make provisions and arrangements during cancer treatment make a huge difference in the cancer battle, he told CNA Women.
“We want to deepen our advocacy and start real conversations about how workplaces can be more supportive and inclusive – not just for those in treatment, but for survivors and caregivers too.
“Our awareness talks and outreach booths are a good starting point. We hope to build on them to help colleagues and leaders understand what empathy in action really looks like,” he said.
Since BCF is self-funded and relies heavily on donations, one of their biggest challenges is consistent support and funding – a common issue for charities, Soo added.
Shortly after he came on board, Soo joined BCF’s Pink Ribbon Walk on Oct 11, rallying more than 5,000 participants to raise awareness and funds for BCF programmes and services.
Soo at BCF’s Pink Ribbon Walk on Oct 11, an annual flagship event which brought together more than 5,000 participants this year. (Photo: Breast Cancer Foundation)
Beyond such programmes, the general manager hopes to use technology to share moving stories that help the public better understand and empathise with breast cancer warriors.
Additionally, he is exploring how to leverage technology – including artificial intelligence – to connect women and cancer warriors to the right information or support.
Given that breast cancer is affecting women at a younger age, one of his key priorities is to push for younger women to actively do breast self-examinations. “Early detection saves lives,” Soo said.
The BCF study found that while many women know the importance of breast self-examinations, nine in 10 do not check regularly, he said.
“This is an action gap that, if left unaddressed, could affect breast health outcomes for years to come,” he added.
Soo also wants to strengthen BCF’s network of patient navigators, trained volunteers who guide and support individuals through the different stages of their breast cancer journey, from diagnosis to recovery.
“Every small action – a conversation started, a self-check done, a friend reminded of screening – brings us closer to a future where no woman faces breast cancer alone,” he said.
NO ONE SHOULD BATTLE BREAST CANCER ALONE
Soo’s conviction came from painful personal experiences. “Cancer is something that is close to my heart,” he told CNA Women.
Soo himself has close relatives who battled cancer. (Photo: Breast Cancer Foundation)
His grandfather died of intestinal cancer in his 80s and his grandaunt had womb cancer. Soo, who got married in June this year, said his wife’s mother succumbed to nasal cancer last year. And his own father battled and survived prostate cancer around 10 years ago.
“I remember very clearly when the doctor delivered the results to my dad. He was just reading off the chart but it was like a wave had hit us,” Soo recalled. “I looked at my dad, my dad looked at me, and there was just an awkward silence. Emotions were flowing and our minds went blank. We struggled to accept it.”
As his father’s caregiver – his only brother is based overseas – the pressure was on him to make the best treatment decisions, such as whether to opt for chemotherapy or surgery, and Soo was plagued with self-doubt.
Eventually, the family decided on surgery, and Soo’s father recovered. But the stress of this intense ordeal remains with Soo to this day.
“No one should have to go through this alone,” Soo said. At BCF, he hopes that breast cancer warriors know that they always have a community to support them.
CNA Women is a section on CNA Lifestyle that seeks to inform, empower and inspire the modern woman. If you have women-related news, issues and ideas to share with us, email CNAWomen [at] mediacorp.com.sg (CNAWomen[at]mediacorp[dot]com[dot]sg).
Continue reading...