SINGAPORE: “Go to Akhbar’s and get me some grated coconut.”
For eight-year-old me, this was a terrifying request from my mum. It wasn’t that Akhbar was a scary shopkeeper, but a group of teenagers would torment me every time I made my way there.
I was pale, waifish and had curly locks, and the 15-year-olds who loitered at the void deck would mock my appearance and call me names. Their taunts still give me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach even as I recount it now.
So viral clips of school bullying, such as the recent incident of two boys tripping and kicking another at Montfort Secondary School, are triggering for me.
Though authorities clarified that all three students shared some responsibility for the incident, the fear evident in the victim's body language saddens me as a former bully victim myself. However, we know too well there is no way to end bullying for good – be it physical or psychological.
But we can be better prepared for it. Especially for our children.
My void deck bullies only stopped after one fateful encounter, when they ambushed me and proceeded to strip me of my clothing. In that moment of hopelessness, it dawned upon me that no one was coming to save me.
With that realisation, I went into berserk mode, and proceeded to claw, bite and punch my way out of the situation. My aggressive response put them off bullying me completely.
The truth was, I had been primed for that exact moment subconsciously. My father had allowed for a fair amount of roughhousing at home. My elder brother and I often fought, and boy, did we go at it. My father would let us have a go until it was time to pry us apart, and then his disciplinary hand would restore order.
Parents today would baulk at my dad’s high-handed parenting style. And I wouldn’t recommend it either.
But what hasn’t changed is the reality that bullying exists. Children may find themselves in the role of either the aggressor or the target, and how they respond will depend largely on the foundation we, as parents, have given them.
One of the best pieces of advice I received as a child from my father was that it’s impossible for family to always be around. While my family would always have my back, it’s best to be ready to stand on my own.
Though the best lessons are learnt on the ground, the conditioning that starts at home plays a huge part in preparing a child to deal with bullying.
Just as I was at his age, my second-born was pale, skinny and blessed – or cursed – with a glorious crown of curly locks.
Without resorting to the parenting style that I was raised with, I opted to send my boy to whatever martial arts regime he could stick to – not to encourage violence, but to build confidence and self-assurance. It was also different from my own childhood in that now, I could afford to provide the luxury of preparedness for my own children.
By the time my son was in Primary 2, his first confrontation with a bully happened.
Prior to it, I gave him explicit instructions on how to fight back when faced with an aggressor, based on the knowledge I obtained from my own martial arts journey. I simply taught my son how to eliminate an incoming threat with a well-placed body strike.
What I didn’t expect was for my son and his aggressor to become buddies within a week. For this, I thank his coach for reinforcing the idea that self-defence isn’t just about fighting back. It’s about knowing how to handle conflict in a way that earns respect and diffuses aggression.
To be clear, I am not advocating for violence, retaliation or retribution in any form. What I’m advocating for is awareness and necessary preparedness.
Bullies will come and go; in fact, they will appear in every phase and facet of our lives – from when you’re in school to when you’re an adult at work facing a domineering colleague or boss.
Far be it for us in our adult careers to place well-timed strikes, but it is key that we exercise our right to confront bullying. Once a workplace bully knows the intended victim will respond with a callout, he or she will most likely stop.
Let’s raise children who are neither helpless victims nor aggressive bullies, but confident individuals who know their worth and how to stand up for themselves – so they never become the subject of a viral video that horrifies us all.
Imran Johri is a marketing and editorial professional and a father of three.
Continue reading...
For eight-year-old me, this was a terrifying request from my mum. It wasn’t that Akhbar was a scary shopkeeper, but a group of teenagers would torment me every time I made my way there.
I was pale, waifish and had curly locks, and the 15-year-olds who loitered at the void deck would mock my appearance and call me names. Their taunts still give me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach even as I recount it now.
So viral clips of school bullying, such as the recent incident of two boys tripping and kicking another at Montfort Secondary School, are triggering for me.
Though authorities clarified that all three students shared some responsibility for the incident, the fear evident in the victim's body language saddens me as a former bully victim myself. However, we know too well there is no way to end bullying for good – be it physical or psychological.
But we can be better prepared for it. Especially for our children.
A CHILDHOOD LESSON
My void deck bullies only stopped after one fateful encounter, when they ambushed me and proceeded to strip me of my clothing. In that moment of hopelessness, it dawned upon me that no one was coming to save me.
With that realisation, I went into berserk mode, and proceeded to claw, bite and punch my way out of the situation. My aggressive response put them off bullying me completely.
The truth was, I had been primed for that exact moment subconsciously. My father had allowed for a fair amount of roughhousing at home. My elder brother and I often fought, and boy, did we go at it. My father would let us have a go until it was time to pry us apart, and then his disciplinary hand would restore order.
PREPARING KIDS TO DEAL WITH BULLIES
Parents today would baulk at my dad’s high-handed parenting style. And I wouldn’t recommend it either.
But what hasn’t changed is the reality that bullying exists. Children may find themselves in the role of either the aggressor or the target, and how they respond will depend largely on the foundation we, as parents, have given them.
Related:
One of the best pieces of advice I received as a child from my father was that it’s impossible for family to always be around. While my family would always have my back, it’s best to be ready to stand on my own.
Though the best lessons are learnt on the ground, the conditioning that starts at home plays a huge part in preparing a child to deal with bullying.
Just as I was at his age, my second-born was pale, skinny and blessed – or cursed – with a glorious crown of curly locks.
Without resorting to the parenting style that I was raised with, I opted to send my boy to whatever martial arts regime he could stick to – not to encourage violence, but to build confidence and self-assurance. It was also different from my own childhood in that now, I could afford to provide the luxury of preparedness for my own children.
By the time my son was in Primary 2, his first confrontation with a bully happened.
Prior to it, I gave him explicit instructions on how to fight back when faced with an aggressor, based on the knowledge I obtained from my own martial arts journey. I simply taught my son how to eliminate an incoming threat with a well-placed body strike.
What I didn’t expect was for my son and his aggressor to become buddies within a week. For this, I thank his coach for reinforcing the idea that self-defence isn’t just about fighting back. It’s about knowing how to handle conflict in a way that earns respect and diffuses aggression.
Related:
BULLIES WILL COME AND GO
To be clear, I am not advocating for violence, retaliation or retribution in any form. What I’m advocating for is awareness and necessary preparedness.
Bullies will come and go; in fact, they will appear in every phase and facet of our lives – from when you’re in school to when you’re an adult at work facing a domineering colleague or boss.
Far be it for us in our adult careers to place well-timed strikes, but it is key that we exercise our right to confront bullying. Once a workplace bully knows the intended victim will respond with a callout, he or she will most likely stop.
Let’s raise children who are neither helpless victims nor aggressive bullies, but confident individuals who know their worth and how to stand up for themselves – so they never become the subject of a viral video that horrifies us all.
Imran Johri is a marketing and editorial professional and a father of three.
Continue reading...