So, we no longer have water bottles, we now have emotional support water bottles. Drinking water on the go has turned into a self-soothing liturgy of ritualistic hydration.
That’s not all – the brand of water bottle you choose is also an arbiter of social standing. Pulling out your limited-edition, pastel-hued Owala bottle is the new opening your refrigerator so your visitors can see it’s stocked with Perrier or Fiji.
Above all, the emotional support water bottle is an accessory that one feels lost and naked without. It is the "chouchou" of the Gen Z zeitgeist.
Now, all the aunties are scratching their heads. They do not understand why this is a thing. Because any card-carrying aunty worth her salt has always had a water bottle in her bag at all times. Why buy bottled water when you can bring your own for free? And if a restaurant wants to charge for tap water, well, Aunty gets the last laugh.
(By the way, you don’t have to be of a certain age or a particular gender to identify as an aunty. Some are born aunties, some achieve auntie-ness and some have auntie-ness thrust upon them. “Aunty” is a state of being.)
So, the aunty market has always had a handle on emotional support water bottles. And, while we’re at it, here are some of the other emotional support items in the time-honoured aunty arsenal.
1. EMOTIONAL SUPPORT WET WIPES
(Art: CNA/Jasper Loh)
Of the anti-bacterial variety. God forbid Aunty touches something icky – do you know how many germs are on this and that thing? Dual-purpose: Can also be used to chope seats at the hawker centre.
2. EMOTIONAL SUPPORT MEDICATED OIL
(Art: CNA/Jasper Loh)
In case Aunty feels faint or headache-y, or Aunty’s friend feels faint or headache-y, or there’s a foul smell coming from somewhere, or Aunty gets bitten by a mosquito, or Aunty’s friend gets bitten by a mosquito. Category can be expanded to, but is not limited to, Vicks inhalers, Salonpas and Tiger Balm.
3. EMOTIONAL SUPPORT FAN
So hot these days. Cannot tahan. Aunty doesn’t sweat; Aunty glows.
4. EMOTIONAL SUPPORT PLASTIC BAG
(Art: CNA/Jasper Loh)
Not a reusable tote, although Aunty carries one of those too, clearly. A real, old-fashioned plastic bag. For if it rains and Aunty has to put her wet emotional support umbrella away in her bag, or if Aunty needs extra poop bags while walking the dog, or if the takeaway container filled with Aunty’s leftover hor fun appears to be leaking. Extra points if the plastic bag is folded into a compact triangle.
5. EMOTIONAL SUPPORT PEN
Very handy. You know, for filling out forms and whatnot. Unfortunately, so seldom used that by the time Aunty actually needs it, the ink has dried out.
6. EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SAFETY PIN
Multi-purpose. Can be used for wardrobe exigencies; popping open the SIM card compartment in a smartphone; if a necklace clasp suddenly breaks, etc.
7. EMOTIONAL SUPPORT PARACETAMOL, ANTACIDS AND BAND-AIDS
Got a blister? Paper cut? Heartburn? Indigestion? What might or might not be a fever (Aunty checked with the back of her hand but not sure leh)? Never fear – Aunty is here.
8. EMOTIONAL SUPPORT EMERGENCY BACKUP SNACK
(Art: CNA/Jasper Loh)
If you get hungry suddenly, it results in too much acid in your stomach, and then you could get “gastric”, so, why would you want to take that chance? Extra points if the snack is a packet of biscuits stolen from the office pantry.
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That’s not all – the brand of water bottle you choose is also an arbiter of social standing. Pulling out your limited-edition, pastel-hued Owala bottle is the new opening your refrigerator so your visitors can see it’s stocked with Perrier or Fiji.
Above all, the emotional support water bottle is an accessory that one feels lost and naked without. It is the "chouchou" of the Gen Z zeitgeist.
Now, all the aunties are scratching their heads. They do not understand why this is a thing. Because any card-carrying aunty worth her salt has always had a water bottle in her bag at all times. Why buy bottled water when you can bring your own for free? And if a restaurant wants to charge for tap water, well, Aunty gets the last laugh.
(By the way, you don’t have to be of a certain age or a particular gender to identify as an aunty. Some are born aunties, some achieve auntie-ness and some have auntie-ness thrust upon them. “Aunty” is a state of being.)
So, the aunty market has always had a handle on emotional support water bottles. And, while we’re at it, here are some of the other emotional support items in the time-honoured aunty arsenal.
1. EMOTIONAL SUPPORT WET WIPES
(Art: CNA/Jasper Loh)
Of the anti-bacterial variety. God forbid Aunty touches something icky – do you know how many germs are on this and that thing? Dual-purpose: Can also be used to chope seats at the hawker centre.
2. EMOTIONAL SUPPORT MEDICATED OIL
(Art: CNA/Jasper Loh)
In case Aunty feels faint or headache-y, or Aunty’s friend feels faint or headache-y, or there’s a foul smell coming from somewhere, or Aunty gets bitten by a mosquito, or Aunty’s friend gets bitten by a mosquito. Category can be expanded to, but is not limited to, Vicks inhalers, Salonpas and Tiger Balm.
3. EMOTIONAL SUPPORT FAN
So hot these days. Cannot tahan. Aunty doesn’t sweat; Aunty glows.
4. EMOTIONAL SUPPORT PLASTIC BAG
(Art: CNA/Jasper Loh)
Not a reusable tote, although Aunty carries one of those too, clearly. A real, old-fashioned plastic bag. For if it rains and Aunty has to put her wet emotional support umbrella away in her bag, or if Aunty needs extra poop bags while walking the dog, or if the takeaway container filled with Aunty’s leftover hor fun appears to be leaking. Extra points if the plastic bag is folded into a compact triangle.
5. EMOTIONAL SUPPORT PEN
Very handy. You know, for filling out forms and whatnot. Unfortunately, so seldom used that by the time Aunty actually needs it, the ink has dried out.
6. EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SAFETY PIN
Multi-purpose. Can be used for wardrobe exigencies; popping open the SIM card compartment in a smartphone; if a necklace clasp suddenly breaks, etc.
7. EMOTIONAL SUPPORT PARACETAMOL, ANTACIDS AND BAND-AIDS
Got a blister? Paper cut? Heartburn? Indigestion? What might or might not be a fever (Aunty checked with the back of her hand but not sure leh)? Never fear – Aunty is here.
8. EMOTIONAL SUPPORT EMERGENCY BACKUP SNACK
(Art: CNA/Jasper Loh)
If you get hungry suddenly, it results in too much acid in your stomach, and then you could get “gastric”, so, why would you want to take that chance? Extra points if the snack is a packet of biscuits stolen from the office pantry.
Related:
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