When my son, Naim, was born 14 months ago, there were a million things my husband and I had to figure out, each one seemingly life-changing. No pressure at all on new parents, right?
One of these things was how to feed him. To me, the answer was obvious: I should breastfeed. Isn’t that the “easiest”, “most straightforward”, and “most natural” way to feed a baby? (Or, so I thought).
When I held my hours-old baby – his eyes still shut, my body bloated and aching from the insane experience of giving birth – and nursed him for the first time, the act felt both instinctive and miraculous. Even now, I marvel at the memory.
He smelled so sweet and pleasant, and it tickled my husband and me when he fell asleep after I had nursed him for just a few minutes. The experience was warm, comfortable, and for those few moments, I figured, hey, maybe parenting won’t be as difficult as I thought it would be.
Little did I know how un-straightforward breastfeeding would be.
I was already drawn to the idea of breastfeeding when I was pregnant. My mum had breastfed my brothers and me, and nearly every motherhood resource I’d read extolled how good it was.
Nursing provides the baby with antibodies and nutrients, and also helps the mother with postpartum recovery while reducing her risk of certain diseases.
Going out used to stress the writer as she didn’t know how to handle her baby if he was hungry; she also struggled to find a space to nurse him. (Photo: Izza Haziqah)
But while it sounded like a great endeavour, I didn’t realise how many factors had to fall into place for breastfeeding to work smoothly. So many moving pieces that made breastfeeding far less direct than I'd imagined.
One factor was my baby’s ability to latch properly. According to lactation nurses, there’s no real way to teach this at birth. Some babies latch perfectly from the start. Others, like mine, struggle, even when there’s nothing physically wrong with their mouths or their mother’s breasts.
There were also feeding patterns. Some newborns drink a full feed and are satisfied for three hours. My boy? He would nurse for five to 10 minutes, then get hungry barely half an hour later (cue the mighty wails and inconsolable cries).
There were nights when I had to repeat this cycle five or six times before he was satiated enough to fall asleep, and I’d be grateful to have even just two uninterrupted hours before he got hungry again.
And then there’s milk supply. Some mothers express milk easily and painlessly. Others struggle with undersupply, whereas I had an oversupply. My milk came fast and in huge amounts. In theory, it sounds like a great perk, but in practice, it has its own problems.
Naim would choke or hiccup on the heavy flow, and I’d often get painfully engorged breasts, overly full with milk that wasn’t draining properly, leaving them hard and heavy, like rocks strapped to my chest.
The writer had an oversupply of breast milk and would need to express regularly to avoid engorgement. (Photo: Izza Haziqah)
Once, when Naim was about three months old, I developed mastitis – swollen, inflamed breasts and a fever – when I travelled overseas without my breast pump. Even though he was with me, I needed a pump to clear my breasts fully during every nursing.
Oddly enough, despite the complications, I still love breastfeeding. It’s one of my favourite parts of new motherhood.
During one of those long nights in newborn haze, I had asked myself: Do I still want to keep doing this? Do I really want to keep navigating this maze of latching issues, feeding schedules, and unpredictable baby idiosyncrasies?
Then, I glanced at my watch. It was 3am. Everything was silent, and Naim was nursing peacefully. I recall him stirring slightly, then his eyes opened and locked with mine.
I froze as I prepared for him to wail, but instead, his gaze softened, and he smiled as he drifted back to sleep. I kissed his forehead. Swollen with a whole lot of love, I stared at him until I fell asleep.
The intimate moment made me realise how beautiful it was to be able to nourish and comfort my child through breastfeeding. And though breastfeeding can feel like a maze to navigate, I knew it was a means to have a special bond with my son.
After all, isn’t parenthood about sacrifice and learning to manage new responsibilities with love, not resentment? For me, breastfeeding is the clearest expression of that.
As Naim got older, breastfeeding also made going out, travelling and attending events so much easier. It was practical and convenient.
As long as I was nearby, he was happy to explore any corner of the world. When his cries got mightier, breastfeeding was the fastest way to soothe him. My nursing cover and breastmilk collector became the most essential items to take along whenever we went out.
The writer mastered the art of nursing in public, which allowed her to go anywhere with her baby. (Photo: Izza Haziqah)
Breastfeeding also deepened my empathy for other mothers and their struggles. Some mums may have medical conditions that make nursing impossible even though they really long to, while others struggle to establish a regular supply and constantly worry about whether their babies are getting enough milk.
I also remember reading about mothers in Gaza rationing donated powdered milk, still willing to nurse their babies through air raids and evacuations.
That image never leaves me. It makes my own struggles feel very small in comparison. The mothers before me, across the world and across time, inspire me to keep showing up, even when it’s hard.
Breastfeeding also helped me grow in my marriage. Since I chose to breastfeed exclusively, it makes me the parent attending to every night feed. Even when my husband wakes up to check on our son, it just isn’t the same; I am still the main source of food and comfort. There were times when I felt frustrated that he couldn’t help with the actual nursing.
But this frustration led us to deepen our understanding of each other and figure out how to share the weight of parenthood. And since my husband knew he couldn’t breastfeed, he stepped up in other areas.
So now, when I’m figuring out new obstacles in breastfeeding, whether it’s teaching Naim not to bite while nursing or teaching him that nursing has its appropriate time and place, I focus on being thankful. I’m glad I get to do this for my child, even when it feels like a lot.
I could never have done my breastfeeding journey alone. I’ve never fallen for the myth that mums can “do it all” or “have it all”. That idea is not only unrealistic, it’s unhealthy. Mothers need a whole village of support, and I’m deeply grateful for mine.
Izza’s husband was a huge source of support throughout her breastfeeding journey, and travelling, such as to Japan in this photo, became fun, even with the struggles that came with caring for a baby. (Photo: Izza Haziqah)
For me, that village comes in the form of a supportive family, a flexible work environment, and the community, including lactation consultants and mum support groups. Their company and advice kept me from feeling like I was completely losing it.
While I’m the one who feeds and nourishes my boy, it’s my husband and parents who take care of me. They remind me to eat, make sure I rest, and reassure me that it’s okay to take a break and use a bottle of expressed milk when I need it.
During nights when I felt alone, I often reached out to mum friends to vent or seek insight. My sister-in-law was an anchor, too, as her background as a nurse became a steady source of advice.
Now that Naim is over a year old and eating solid food, I also feel a little lighter. The pressure of being his only source of nourishment has eased. And though there’ll always be new issues, I feel more assured that I will figure things out somehow.
I thought breastfeeding would be easy and not something I had to think much about. It proved to be a lot more surprising, exhausting, beautiful, maddening, and meaningful – sometimes all at once.
It’s one hell of a commitment, full of trial and error, ups and downs, all grounded in the experience of learning how to trust myself and my baby.
CNA Women is a section on CNA Lifestyle that seeks to inform, empower and inspire the modern woman. If you have women-related news, issues and ideas to share with us, email CNAWomen [at] mediacorp.com.sg.
Continue reading...
One of these things was how to feed him. To me, the answer was obvious: I should breastfeed. Isn’t that the “easiest”, “most straightforward”, and “most natural” way to feed a baby? (Or, so I thought).
When I held my hours-old baby – his eyes still shut, my body bloated and aching from the insane experience of giving birth – and nursed him for the first time, the act felt both instinctive and miraculous. Even now, I marvel at the memory.
He smelled so sweet and pleasant, and it tickled my husband and me when he fell asleep after I had nursed him for just a few minutes. The experience was warm, comfortable, and for those few moments, I figured, hey, maybe parenting won’t be as difficult as I thought it would be.
Little did I know how un-straightforward breastfeeding would be.
THE STARS NEED TO ALIGN FOR SUCCESSFUL BREASTFEEDING
I was already drawn to the idea of breastfeeding when I was pregnant. My mum had breastfed my brothers and me, and nearly every motherhood resource I’d read extolled how good it was.
Nursing provides the baby with antibodies and nutrients, and also helps the mother with postpartum recovery while reducing her risk of certain diseases.
Going out used to stress the writer as she didn’t know how to handle her baby if he was hungry; she also struggled to find a space to nurse him. (Photo: Izza Haziqah)
But while it sounded like a great endeavour, I didn’t realise how many factors had to fall into place for breastfeeding to work smoothly. So many moving pieces that made breastfeeding far less direct than I'd imagined.
One factor was my baby’s ability to latch properly. According to lactation nurses, there’s no real way to teach this at birth. Some babies latch perfectly from the start. Others, like mine, struggle, even when there’s nothing physically wrong with their mouths or their mother’s breasts.
There were also feeding patterns. Some newborns drink a full feed and are satisfied for three hours. My boy? He would nurse for five to 10 minutes, then get hungry barely half an hour later (cue the mighty wails and inconsolable cries).
There were nights when I had to repeat this cycle five or six times before he was satiated enough to fall asleep, and I’d be grateful to have even just two uninterrupted hours before he got hungry again.
And then there’s milk supply. Some mothers express milk easily and painlessly. Others struggle with undersupply, whereas I had an oversupply. My milk came fast and in huge amounts. In theory, it sounds like a great perk, but in practice, it has its own problems.
Naim would choke or hiccup on the heavy flow, and I’d often get painfully engorged breasts, overly full with milk that wasn’t draining properly, leaving them hard and heavy, like rocks strapped to my chest.
The writer had an oversupply of breast milk and would need to express regularly to avoid engorgement. (Photo: Izza Haziqah)
Once, when Naim was about three months old, I developed mastitis – swollen, inflamed breasts and a fever – when I travelled overseas without my breast pump. Even though he was with me, I needed a pump to clear my breasts fully during every nursing.
BREASTFEEDING BROUGHT SO MUCH JOY
Oddly enough, despite the complications, I still love breastfeeding. It’s one of my favourite parts of new motherhood.
During one of those long nights in newborn haze, I had asked myself: Do I still want to keep doing this? Do I really want to keep navigating this maze of latching issues, feeding schedules, and unpredictable baby idiosyncrasies?
Then, I glanced at my watch. It was 3am. Everything was silent, and Naim was nursing peacefully. I recall him stirring slightly, then his eyes opened and locked with mine.
I froze as I prepared for him to wail, but instead, his gaze softened, and he smiled as he drifted back to sleep. I kissed his forehead. Swollen with a whole lot of love, I stared at him until I fell asleep.
The intimate moment made me realise how beautiful it was to be able to nourish and comfort my child through breastfeeding. And though breastfeeding can feel like a maze to navigate, I knew it was a means to have a special bond with my son.
After all, isn’t parenthood about sacrifice and learning to manage new responsibilities with love, not resentment? For me, breastfeeding is the clearest expression of that.
As Naim got older, breastfeeding also made going out, travelling and attending events so much easier. It was practical and convenient.
As long as I was nearby, he was happy to explore any corner of the world. When his cries got mightier, breastfeeding was the fastest way to soothe him. My nursing cover and breastmilk collector became the most essential items to take along whenever we went out.
The writer mastered the art of nursing in public, which allowed her to go anywhere with her baby. (Photo: Izza Haziqah)
Breastfeeding also deepened my empathy for other mothers and their struggles. Some mums may have medical conditions that make nursing impossible even though they really long to, while others struggle to establish a regular supply and constantly worry about whether their babies are getting enough milk.
I also remember reading about mothers in Gaza rationing donated powdered milk, still willing to nurse their babies through air raids and evacuations.
That image never leaves me. It makes my own struggles feel very small in comparison. The mothers before me, across the world and across time, inspire me to keep showing up, even when it’s hard.
Breastfeeding also helped me grow in my marriage. Since I chose to breastfeed exclusively, it makes me the parent attending to every night feed. Even when my husband wakes up to check on our son, it just isn’t the same; I am still the main source of food and comfort. There were times when I felt frustrated that he couldn’t help with the actual nursing.
But this frustration led us to deepen our understanding of each other and figure out how to share the weight of parenthood. And since my husband knew he couldn’t breastfeed, he stepped up in other areas.
So now, when I’m figuring out new obstacles in breastfeeding, whether it’s teaching Naim not to bite while nursing or teaching him that nursing has its appropriate time and place, I focus on being thankful. I’m glad I get to do this for my child, even when it feels like a lot.
BREASTFEEDING DOES INDEED TAKE A VILLAGE
I could never have done my breastfeeding journey alone. I’ve never fallen for the myth that mums can “do it all” or “have it all”. That idea is not only unrealistic, it’s unhealthy. Mothers need a whole village of support, and I’m deeply grateful for mine.
Izza’s husband was a huge source of support throughout her breastfeeding journey, and travelling, such as to Japan in this photo, became fun, even with the struggles that came with caring for a baby. (Photo: Izza Haziqah)
For me, that village comes in the form of a supportive family, a flexible work environment, and the community, including lactation consultants and mum support groups. Their company and advice kept me from feeling like I was completely losing it.
While I’m the one who feeds and nourishes my boy, it’s my husband and parents who take care of me. They remind me to eat, make sure I rest, and reassure me that it’s okay to take a break and use a bottle of expressed milk when I need it.
During nights when I felt alone, I often reached out to mum friends to vent or seek insight. My sister-in-law was an anchor, too, as her background as a nurse became a steady source of advice.
Now that Naim is over a year old and eating solid food, I also feel a little lighter. The pressure of being his only source of nourishment has eased. And though there’ll always be new issues, I feel more assured that I will figure things out somehow.
I thought breastfeeding would be easy and not something I had to think much about. It proved to be a lot more surprising, exhausting, beautiful, maddening, and meaningful – sometimes all at once.
It’s one hell of a commitment, full of trial and error, ups and downs, all grounded in the experience of learning how to trust myself and my baby.
CNA Women is a section on CNA Lifestyle that seeks to inform, empower and inspire the modern woman. If you have women-related news, issues and ideas to share with us, email CNAWomen [at] mediacorp.com.sg.
Continue reading...