We use superlative language all the time. A bowl of noodles is extremely delicious. A massage, mind-blowing. A holiday, a once-in-a-lifetime experience – even if it’s just a regular holiday.
We use hyperbole when describing women too. Superwoman, supermum, girl boss, powerhouse, goddess, queen – it seems women are constantly "killing it" and exhibiting "main character energy".
It’s not uncommon to say “slay, queen” to a friend who got promoted at work or “you’re in your hot girl era” when she prioritises living for herself.
Dr Natalie Games, senior clinical psychologist at Alliance Counselling, said many of these terms began as expressions of encouragement and empowerment.
The problem is that they’ve become overused and that could be bad for women. Dr Games said it’s not the words themselves but what happens when they become identities women feel they must live up to.
“Labels like these can unintentionally reinforce perfectionism and conditional self-worth, where our value becomes tied to constantly performing, achieving or appearing resilient,” she explained.
“Research suggests that when people believe they must always be exceptional, they become more vulnerable to burnout, anxiety, shame and self-criticism,” she added.
Labels like ‘supermum’ can make women feel they must be exceptional mothers, which can make them vulnerable to burnout and self-criticism. (Illustration: iStock/jameslee1)
Grace Loh, psychotherapist and executive coach at Grace PsyCap, said superlative labels create a moving benchmark of the woman who is always composed, productive and endlessly capable – and women then start comparing themselves to that imagined standard.
“At the same time, mental distress grows when there is a big gap between who I am right now and who I feel I should be,” Loh told CNA Women.
“Superlative language inflates those ‘shoulds’ and ideals, which are associated with higher levels of shame, guilt and depressive symptoms, particularly among women who already carry elevated self-standards.
“Over time, being human starts to feel like falling short,” Loh added.
Loh pointed out that superlative labels can be used as mutual encouragement among friends or even to playfully tease each other. This creates a shared identity, which research has shown to be beneficial.
When women feel similar – rather than inferior – to the person they are comparing themselves with, it can boost their mood, said Loh.
“From a media perspective, superlative language has also been part of a broader post-feminist culture that encourages women to see themselves as powerful agents in control of their lives,” she added.
“In small doses and in safe communities, calling a friend superwoman or queen can be experienced as simple appreciation and solidarity.”
However, empowering language becomes harmful “when it shifts from a description of how a woman feels today to a prescription for how she must live every day”, said Loh.
Superlative labels like ‘Wonder Woman’ or ‘queen’ can become harmful when they become a prescription for how a woman must live every day. (Photo: iStock/PeopleImages)
Dr Annabelle Chow, clinical psychologist at Annabelle Psychology, said a useful litmus test for whether empowering language is harmful is: Does this label leave room for being human?
She explained: “If ‘girl boss’ means doing your best, it can feel affirming. If it means effortlessly balancing work, parenting, relationships, fitness, self-care and emotional well-being at all times and without struggle, it becomes an impossible standard.
“Many women are not distressed because they are failing. They are distressed because they are measuring themselves against unrealistic expectations.”
While men are slapped with labels too – top dog, alpha male, for example – superlative language affects women differently because of the ideals these words place on them.
Dr Games said psychological research suggests women are more likely than men to experience both the benefits and the burdens of superlative language not because women are inherently more susceptible, but because they are more frequently the targets of identity-based expectations.
“Labels such as supermum and Wonder Woman reflect cultural ideals that ask women to excel simultaneously across multiple domains: parenting, career, relationships, appearance and emotional labour,” she explained.
“In contrast, there are relatively few equivalent labels for men and when they do exist, they tend to emphasise achievement in a single domain rather than the expectation to ‘have it all’,” Dr Games added.
She cited examples such as "breadwinner", which measures a man’s value almost entirely by his ability to earn money and provide financial support, or "provider", which emphasises material or physical protection and resource-gathering for others. Other examples include "high achiever", "self-made man" or "top performer".
Men have superlative labels too but superlative language affects women differently as they are more frequently the targets of identity-based expectations. (Photo: iStock/CHARTCHAI KANTHATHAN)
Dr Chow said that female-oriented superlatives that emphasise succeeding across multiple domains at the same time can create a different set of pressures.
“Research on gender roles suggests that women frequently face a ‘double bind’, whereby they are expected to be both highly competent and highly likeable,” Dr Chow explained.
“In practice, women may be penalised either way: They may be viewed as less leader-like if they conform to traditional feminine expectations such as being accommodating or hesitant to promote their own achievements, but less likeable if they display traditionally masculine leadership traits such as negotiating firmly, taking charge or being highly assertive,” Dr Chow added.
Loh said women in high-pressure seasons of life are particularly susceptible. This includes early career professionals, working mothers and women in midlife who are supporting both children and ageing parents.
In these contexts, labels like "supermum", "boss babe" or "high value woman"
“For women already juggling multiple roles, these terms can deepen shame about struggling and discourage help-seeking, because admitting difficulty feels like failing at being the strong one,” said Loh.
“Media analyses of narratives around ‘girl boss’ echo this pattern, highlighting how quickly a celebrated high performer becomes criticised when she cannot sustain impossible standards,” she added.
The superwoman archetype is probably the most common battle for women when it comes to superlative language.
The label ‘superwoman’ implies that women should be able to excel in every role at the same time. (Photo: iStock/Chinnapong)
While the term is empowering on the surface, Dr Games said, psychologically, it can become one of the most demanding identities a woman is expected to embody.
Rather than simply celebrating competence, it often implies a woman should be able to excel in every role
Perhaps the greatest danger of the superwoman ideal is that it normalises self-sacrifice, said Dr Games. Women may become so focused on meeting everyone else’s needs that they lose touch with their own.
In a world filled with superlative language, is it possible to counter the feeling that you’re not enough?
Loh suggested becoming conscious of comparison habits. Consider unfollowing accounts that consistently trigger inadequacy and instead, seek out communities that show ordinary days, mistakes and limits, not just the success stories.
“Even small shifts in self-standards, such as moving from ‘I must excel in every role’ to ‘I am allowed to be good enough and to have limits’, can narrow the gap between the actual self and the imagined ideal, which is associated with reduced guilt and distress,” said Loh.
Dr Chow proposed recognising that many of these messages reflect cultural ideals rather than realistic expectations. Remember that social media and advertising tend to showcase highly-curated highlights rather than everyday reality.
It can also be helpful to notice when comparisons are occurring and to ask yourself – compared with whom and according to whose standards?
“Ultimately, well-being is not about becoming ‘the best’ or ‘having it all’, but about living in a way that is consistent with one’s values, limitations and circumstances,” Dr Chow said.
CNA Women is a section on CNA Lifestyle that seeks to inform, empower and inspire the modern woman. If you have women-related news, issues and ideas to share with us, email CNAWomen [at] mediacorp.com.sg.
Continue reading...
We use hyperbole when describing women too. Superwoman, supermum, girl boss, powerhouse, goddess, queen – it seems women are constantly "killing it" and exhibiting "main character energy".
It’s not uncommon to say “slay, queen” to a friend who got promoted at work or “you’re in your hot girl era” when she prioritises living for herself.
Dr Natalie Games, senior clinical psychologist at Alliance Counselling, said many of these terms began as expressions of encouragement and empowerment.
The problem is that they’ve become overused and that could be bad for women. Dr Games said it’s not the words themselves but what happens when they become identities women feel they must live up to.
“Labels like these can unintentionally reinforce perfectionism and conditional self-worth, where our value becomes tied to constantly performing, achieving or appearing resilient,” she explained.
“Research suggests that when people believe they must always be exceptional, they become more vulnerable to burnout, anxiety, shame and self-criticism,” she added.
Labels like ‘supermum’ can make women feel they must be exceptional mothers, which can make them vulnerable to burnout and self-criticism. (Illustration: iStock/jameslee1)
Grace Loh, psychotherapist and executive coach at Grace PsyCap, said superlative labels create a moving benchmark of the woman who is always composed, productive and endlessly capable – and women then start comparing themselves to that imagined standard.
“At the same time, mental distress grows when there is a big gap between who I am right now and who I feel I should be,” Loh told CNA Women.
“Superlative language inflates those ‘shoulds’ and ideals, which are associated with higher levels of shame, guilt and depressive symptoms, particularly among women who already carry elevated self-standards.
“Over time, being human starts to feel like falling short,” Loh added.
WHEN EMPOWERING LANGUAGE TURNS HARMFUL
Loh pointed out that superlative labels can be used as mutual encouragement among friends or even to playfully tease each other. This creates a shared identity, which research has shown to be beneficial.
When women feel similar – rather than inferior – to the person they are comparing themselves with, it can boost their mood, said Loh.
“From a media perspective, superlative language has also been part of a broader post-feminist culture that encourages women to see themselves as powerful agents in control of their lives,” she added.
“In small doses and in safe communities, calling a friend superwoman or queen can be experienced as simple appreciation and solidarity.”
However, empowering language becomes harmful “when it shifts from a description of how a woman feels today to a prescription for how she must live every day”, said Loh.
Superlative labels like ‘Wonder Woman’ or ‘queen’ can become harmful when they become a prescription for how a woman must live every day. (Photo: iStock/PeopleImages)
Dr Annabelle Chow, clinical psychologist at Annabelle Psychology, said a useful litmus test for whether empowering language is harmful is: Does this label leave room for being human?
She explained: “If ‘girl boss’ means doing your best, it can feel affirming. If it means effortlessly balancing work, parenting, relationships, fitness, self-care and emotional well-being at all times and without struggle, it becomes an impossible standard.
“Many women are not distressed because they are failing. They are distressed because they are measuring themselves against unrealistic expectations.”
WOMEN ARE MORE AFFECTED BY SUPERLATIVE LANGUAGE
While men are slapped with labels too – top dog, alpha male, for example – superlative language affects women differently because of the ideals these words place on them.
Dr Games said psychological research suggests women are more likely than men to experience both the benefits and the burdens of superlative language not because women are inherently more susceptible, but because they are more frequently the targets of identity-based expectations.
“Labels such as supermum and Wonder Woman reflect cultural ideals that ask women to excel simultaneously across multiple domains: parenting, career, relationships, appearance and emotional labour,” she explained.
“In contrast, there are relatively few equivalent labels for men and when they do exist, they tend to emphasise achievement in a single domain rather than the expectation to ‘have it all’,” Dr Games added.
She cited examples such as "breadwinner", which measures a man’s value almost entirely by his ability to earn money and provide financial support, or "provider", which emphasises material or physical protection and resource-gathering for others. Other examples include "high achiever", "self-made man" or "top performer".
Men have superlative labels too but superlative language affects women differently as they are more frequently the targets of identity-based expectations. (Photo: iStock/CHARTCHAI KANTHATHAN)
Dr Chow said that female-oriented superlatives that emphasise succeeding across multiple domains at the same time can create a different set of pressures.
“Research on gender roles suggests that women frequently face a ‘double bind’, whereby they are expected to be both highly competent and highly likeable,” Dr Chow explained.
“In practice, women may be penalised either way: They may be viewed as less leader-like if they conform to traditional feminine expectations such as being accommodating or hesitant to promote their own achievements, but less likeable if they display traditionally masculine leadership traits such as negotiating firmly, taking charge or being highly assertive,” Dr Chow added.
Loh said women in high-pressure seasons of life are particularly susceptible. This includes early career professionals, working mothers and women in midlife who are supporting both children and ageing parents.
In these contexts, labels like "supermum", "boss babe" or "high value woman"
“For women already juggling multiple roles, these terms can deepen shame about struggling and discourage help-seeking, because admitting difficulty feels like failing at being the strong one,” said Loh.
“Media analyses of narratives around ‘girl boss’ echo this pattern, highlighting how quickly a celebrated high performer becomes criticised when she cannot sustain impossible standards,” she added.
THE DANGER OF THE SUPERWOMAN IDEAL
The superwoman archetype is probably the most common battle for women when it comes to superlative language.
The label ‘superwoman’ implies that women should be able to excel in every role at the same time. (Photo: iStock/Chinnapong)
While the term is empowering on the surface, Dr Games said, psychologically, it can become one of the most demanding identities a woman is expected to embody.
Rather than simply celebrating competence, it often implies a woman should be able to excel in every role
Perhaps the greatest danger of the superwoman ideal is that it normalises self-sacrifice, said Dr Games. Women may become so focused on meeting everyone else’s needs that they lose touch with their own.
In a world filled with superlative language, is it possible to counter the feeling that you’re not enough?
Loh suggested becoming conscious of comparison habits. Consider unfollowing accounts that consistently trigger inadequacy and instead, seek out communities that show ordinary days, mistakes and limits, not just the success stories.
“Even small shifts in self-standards, such as moving from ‘I must excel in every role’ to ‘I am allowed to be good enough and to have limits’, can narrow the gap between the actual self and the imagined ideal, which is associated with reduced guilt and distress,” said Loh.
Dr Chow proposed recognising that many of these messages reflect cultural ideals rather than realistic expectations. Remember that social media and advertising tend to showcase highly-curated highlights rather than everyday reality.
It can also be helpful to notice when comparisons are occurring and to ask yourself – compared with whom and according to whose standards?
“Ultimately, well-being is not about becoming ‘the best’ or ‘having it all’, but about living in a way that is consistent with one’s values, limitations and circumstances,” Dr Chow said.
CNA Women is a section on CNA Lifestyle that seeks to inform, empower and inspire the modern woman. If you have women-related news, issues and ideas to share with us, email CNAWomen [at] mediacorp.com.sg.
Continue reading...