Read a summary of this article on FAST.
FAST
SINGAPORE: One morning five years ago, I was scrolling through Facebook when a post from a former junior college classmate made me jump out of bed in shock.
I'll call him "Sean". His son, just 17, the same age as mine, had died. I messaged him immediately. He told me his son had been struggling with mental health issues and decided to end his life.
The boy’s death was an earthquake that tore through the family. Looking back, Sean said, there had been small tremors along the way, early signs of anxiety and depression. But no one knew how deep his struggles were. The finality of that random afternoon in January sits like a rock in Sean’s heart, to this day.
The world marks Suicide Prevention Day on Wednesday (Sep 10). Globally, suicide accounts for one in every 100 deaths, according to a World Health Organization report published last week. For each death, there are 20 suicide attempts.
In Singapore, suicide is the leading cause of death among those aged 10 to 29, based on recent figures from the Samaritans of Singapore. Last year, 69 people in this age group died by suicide, accounting for 22 per cent of all such deaths. It is worth noting that the figures are provisional and may be updated.
Sean’s account of his son’s struggles is part of a two-episode CNA podcast special exploring the mental health challenges facing young people in Singapore.
To understand the issue more deeply, I spoke with individuals across the ecosystem, from parents and students to mental health professionals. Producing this series taught me many things, but one insight stood out above the rest.
Nearly every mental health professional I spoke to pointed at the impact of early social media use on how young people make sense of the world - and their worth.
While there’s an ongoing debate on device controls and age gating to rein in demonstrable harms like bullying and distorted beauty standards, something far more fundamental is also happening - the inability to make friends.
Why is something so basic as making a friend, something most of us take for granted, now so difficult?
"When you ask (young people) who they’d go to if they just wanted to talk about something they were really troubled about, they would say 'no one'," Dr Vivien Yang, who runs Bloom Child Psychology, told me.
A highly scheduled life is one factor. Dr Yang told me that even if her teenage son has a free day, his friends usually don’t - everyone is busy with tuition, enrichment classes or sports.
Children are also more comfortable texting rather than talking. Some of her sessions with young clients take place over text, where they share their troubles. This lack of face-to-face interaction can have an impact on the depth of connection and friendships.
Also, in a society where smaller families are the norm and many children grow up without siblings, learning how to form friendships may not come naturally to them, said Dr Daniel Fung, CEO of the Institute of Mental Health.
Making friends is not a simple matter of just saying hello or sharing your stationery with a classmate sitting next to you, and then fast forward 20 years, and he's the best man at your wedding, said Dr Fung.
"Not everyone has the natural instinct, or be chirpy like me in the morning, to be able to communicate. And some people are rather shy, so you have to give them time and space,'' said Dr Fung.
You may have heard of the loneliness epidemic and young people are not spared. A 2021 study that analysed data from over a million teenagers across 37 countries found that the number of young people who felt lonely at school had nearly doubled between 2000 and 2018. Researchers noted that this rise coincided with the use of smartphones.
What a strange paradox - on the one hand, young people have thousands of "friends" or followers online. But when they hit a wall - maybe someone breaks their heart or they bomb a test - they don't have someone to call, vent to or cry with.
There is a vulnerability in building friendships, said Dr Fung. People need to take a risk, by sharing something deeply personal or maybe even shameful. Until Dr Fung framed it this way, I hadn’t considered that sturdy friendships require a certain kind of bravery - kids must be honest without feeling like they will be judged, ostracised or rejected.
Let’s face it, when we fall out with friends, it hurts way more than a scraped knee. Overcoming that kind of vulnerability is what helps build strong bonds, explained Dr Fung. Without similar experiences, it’s harder for young people to build social resilience.
I grew up in the 1970s. My parents were too busy to watch over me and my siblings, and we spent hours - and I mean hours - at the playground. My friendships with other children were developed over petty quarrels, hide and seek, finding and pocketing money and running away from stray dogs.
When one of us was rejected by a crush, the rest gathered to close the circle in solidarity. It didn't take the heartache away, but it lessened it so much more.
My sons, now young men, have the same sort of friendships - people they can count on, the holders of secrets I will never know. Partly, it was because they were lucky to grow up just before the digital wave came. Partly it was because their father and I were what people call "free-range" parents.
They had so many sleepovers and "chalets", I've lost count. Mind you, if I had done an audit on their pals then, a good few would not have passed the role model test (and if I am being honest, neither would my boys).
There is no manual for making friends, just as there isn’t a manual for falling in love. The kernel of this corn lies in allowing children to have time - what experts now call “unstructured time” - to find their own little circles.
This requires something extremely difficult from parents - resisting the urge to control every aspect of a growing child’s life. This act of letting go, perhaps bit by bit - less hovering, less auditing, less debriefing and analysing - is a good thing.
Dr Fung asked a rhetorical question: "What's the use of being the top in PISA tests and not being able to care for your fellow human being, or not having a friend?"
Extended "hang out" time with friends may seem highly inefficient in our highly scheduled lives. But perhaps in the long run, this is exactly what our children need so they have a friend to call when the storms and stresses of life arrive.
Crispina Robert is an executive editor with the training unit in CNA.
Where to get help:
National mental health helpline: 1771
Samaritans of Singapore Hotline: 1767
Singapore Association for Mental Health Helpline: 1800 283 7019
You can also find a list of international helplines here. If someone you know is at immediate risk, call 24-hour emergency medical services.
Source: CNA/aj
Stay updated with notifications for breaking news and our best stories
Download here
Get WhatsApp alerts
Join our channel for the top reads for the day on your preferred chat app
Join here
Continue reading...
FAST
SINGAPORE: One morning five years ago, I was scrolling through Facebook when a post from a former junior college classmate made me jump out of bed in shock.
I'll call him "Sean". His son, just 17, the same age as mine, had died. I messaged him immediately. He told me his son had been struggling with mental health issues and decided to end his life.
The boy’s death was an earthquake that tore through the family. Looking back, Sean said, there had been small tremors along the way, early signs of anxiety and depression. But no one knew how deep his struggles were. The finality of that random afternoon in January sits like a rock in Sean’s heart, to this day.
The world marks Suicide Prevention Day on Wednesday (Sep 10). Globally, suicide accounts for one in every 100 deaths, according to a World Health Organization report published last week. For each death, there are 20 suicide attempts.
In Singapore, suicide is the leading cause of death among those aged 10 to 29, based on recent figures from the Samaritans of Singapore. Last year, 69 people in this age group died by suicide, accounting for 22 per cent of all such deaths. It is worth noting that the figures are provisional and may be updated.
Sean’s account of his son’s struggles is part of a two-episode CNA podcast special exploring the mental health challenges facing young people in Singapore.
To understand the issue more deeply, I spoke with individuals across the ecosystem, from parents and students to mental health professionals. Producing this series taught me many things, but one insight stood out above the rest.
IN A DIGITAL WORLD, WHO IS MY FRIEND?
Nearly every mental health professional I spoke to pointed at the impact of early social media use on how young people make sense of the world - and their worth.
While there’s an ongoing debate on device controls and age gating to rein in demonstrable harms like bullying and distorted beauty standards, something far more fundamental is also happening - the inability to make friends.
Why is something so basic as making a friend, something most of us take for granted, now so difficult?
"When you ask (young people) who they’d go to if they just wanted to talk about something they were really troubled about, they would say 'no one'," Dr Vivien Yang, who runs Bloom Child Psychology, told me.
A highly scheduled life is one factor. Dr Yang told me that even if her teenage son has a free day, his friends usually don’t - everyone is busy with tuition, enrichment classes or sports.
Children are also more comfortable texting rather than talking. Some of her sessions with young clients take place over text, where they share their troubles. This lack of face-to-face interaction can have an impact on the depth of connection and friendships.
Also, in a society where smaller families are the norm and many children grow up without siblings, learning how to form friendships may not come naturally to them, said Dr Daniel Fung, CEO of the Institute of Mental Health.
Making friends is not a simple matter of just saying hello or sharing your stationery with a classmate sitting next to you, and then fast forward 20 years, and he's the best man at your wedding, said Dr Fung.
"Not everyone has the natural instinct, or be chirpy like me in the morning, to be able to communicate. And some people are rather shy, so you have to give them time and space,'' said Dr Fung.
Related:
CONNECTED BUT LONELY
You may have heard of the loneliness epidemic and young people are not spared. A 2021 study that analysed data from over a million teenagers across 37 countries found that the number of young people who felt lonely at school had nearly doubled between 2000 and 2018. Researchers noted that this rise coincided with the use of smartphones.
What a strange paradox - on the one hand, young people have thousands of "friends" or followers online. But when they hit a wall - maybe someone breaks their heart or they bomb a test - they don't have someone to call, vent to or cry with.
There is a vulnerability in building friendships, said Dr Fung. People need to take a risk, by sharing something deeply personal or maybe even shameful. Until Dr Fung framed it this way, I hadn’t considered that sturdy friendships require a certain kind of bravery - kids must be honest without feeling like they will be judged, ostracised or rejected.
Let’s face it, when we fall out with friends, it hurts way more than a scraped knee. Overcoming that kind of vulnerability is what helps build strong bonds, explained Dr Fung. Without similar experiences, it’s harder for young people to build social resilience.
I grew up in the 1970s. My parents were too busy to watch over me and my siblings, and we spent hours - and I mean hours - at the playground. My friendships with other children were developed over petty quarrels, hide and seek, finding and pocketing money and running away from stray dogs.
When one of us was rejected by a crush, the rest gathered to close the circle in solidarity. It didn't take the heartache away, but it lessened it so much more.
My sons, now young men, have the same sort of friendships - people they can count on, the holders of secrets I will never know. Partly, it was because they were lucky to grow up just before the digital wave came. Partly it was because their father and I were what people call "free-range" parents.
They had so many sleepovers and "chalets", I've lost count. Mind you, if I had done an audit on their pals then, a good few would not have passed the role model test (and if I am being honest, neither would my boys).
There is no manual for making friends, just as there isn’t a manual for falling in love. The kernel of this corn lies in allowing children to have time - what experts now call “unstructured time” - to find their own little circles.
This requires something extremely difficult from parents - resisting the urge to control every aspect of a growing child’s life. This act of letting go, perhaps bit by bit - less hovering, less auditing, less debriefing and analysing - is a good thing.
Dr Fung asked a rhetorical question: "What's the use of being the top in PISA tests and not being able to care for your fellow human being, or not having a friend?"
Extended "hang out" time with friends may seem highly inefficient in our highly scheduled lives. But perhaps in the long run, this is exactly what our children need so they have a friend to call when the storms and stresses of life arrive.
Crispina Robert is an executive editor with the training unit in CNA.
Where to get help:
National mental health helpline: 1771
Samaritans of Singapore Hotline: 1767
Singapore Association for Mental Health Helpline: 1800 283 7019
You can also find a list of international helplines here. If someone you know is at immediate risk, call 24-hour emergency medical services.
Source: CNA/aj
Get the CNA app
Stay updated with notifications for breaking news and our best stories
Download here
Get WhatsApp alerts
Join our channel for the top reads for the day on your preferred chat app
Join here
Continue reading...