SINGAPORE: For 25-year-old Alyzza Mercado, modern dating feels more exhausting than exciting.
Over the past five years, the has tried multiple ways to meet people, from dating applications like Hinge and Bumble to curated offline dates through Kopi Date.
But instead of getting closer to being in a relationship, she now finds herself overwhelmed by what she calls “choice overload” on dating apps.
“It reduces the effectiveness because of how much it takes out of you to just keep putting yourself out there,” said the copywriter and content creator.
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“If you're extroverted, you can keep talking to people, meeting up with people. But it can come to a point where (you realise) you keep going on these apps (but) nothing's working out.”
Her experience reflects a growing paradox in Singapore’s dating scene: Singles today have more ways than ever to meet – both online and offline – yet many say finding a meaningful connection feels harder than before.
Today, singles can choose from a wide spectrum – algorithm-driven platforms, curated dating experiences and in-person mixers.
But the abundance of choice, particularly on dating apps, may be backfiring.
Singles whom CNA spoke to echoed Ms Mercado’s frustrations, saying they are inundated by the sheer number of profiles, fatigued by endless swiping, and jaded by conversations that rarely lead to real-life meetings.
Ms Shn Juay, CEO of dating platform Coffee Meets Bagel, noted that users today are often “paralysed” by endless options.
“When you're presented with so many options … over time, your mind is just trained to think there's always someone better, and you're always looking for that someone better,” she said.
“And you may then pass on (profiles) that may be suitable for you or someone who you would have thought is attractive.”
Because of this, Coffee Meets Bagel limits users to about 20 curated matches a day and pushes them to move conversations offline quickly, or have their matches expire.
Ms Juay said dating platforms remain appealing for their efficiency.
"Say, you knock off at 6pm or 7pm every day. How many offline events can you attend?” she questioned.
“Time is really limited. The quantity that you can unlock (on a dating app) is far more than who you can see at a single offline event.”
Even after matching online, some singles struggle to find time to meet amid demanding work schedules.
Long working hours, rising living costs and shifting priorities have also led many young adults to focus on careers, friendships and personal growth over romance.
Government data reflects this shift. As of 2024, more than three-quarters of Singaporeans aged 25 to 29 were single, and about four in 10 have never dated.
Singapore’s dating landscape has evolved significantly over the decades.
In 1984, the government set up the Social Development Unit to encourage marriage, especially among university graduates, amid concerns that more educated women were staying single.
It organised events and outings to help people meet.
This later evolved into the Social Development Network, which widened the dating pool by completely removing the distinction between graduates and non-graduates.
By the 2000s, the government no longer tried to matchmake directly, working instead with dating agencies that offered services such as profile matching and relationship workshops.
Then came internet dating and the rise of digital platforms. Technology has since made dating faster, broader and more personalised – but also more complex.
In 2012, just 19 per cent of singles were open to online dating. By 2016, that had more than doubled to 43 per cent, according to a Singapore Marriage and Parenthood survey.
By 2021, the share of couples who met online had jumped to 29 per cent, from just 8 per cent in 2012.
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Yet, the desire for marriage remains strong – eight in 10 young singles said in 2021 that they hope to marry and have children someday.
“A lot of them do want to settle down,” Mercado said of her peers.
“It’s just a case of not yet meeting the right person. Some are also a little bit jaded because of bad past experiences.”
The gap, experts say, lies between intention and action.
“(Many singles) have the intention but … they could be swiping and browsing rather than actually engaging, waiting rather than initiating, and hoping but not planning,” said Ms Violet Lim, CEO and co-founder dating agency Lunch Actually.
“It's really about taking action and putting themselves in the right environment to widen their social circle and meet new people.”
Industry players say expectations have also changed.
Relationship coach and luxury matchmaking consultant Anisa Hassan noted that singles today are less intentional than they were two decades ago.
“(Previously), singles came to me committed and focused on wanting to find a life partner. They (were) not dismissive about the people being introduced to them,” said Ms Hassan, who founded Singapore-based high-end matchmaking company Date High Flyers.
“Now, there's a proliferation of dating platforms and apps (with) a wide pool of singles. Because there's so many options … people tend to be very quick to judge and then move on.”
Ms Lim noted that unrealistic expectations can also be a barrier, adding that it is increasingly harder to arrange dates, with clients more hesitant and selective.
“People are not just looking to find someone to settle down with, they are looking for someone to get it right. They are very afraid of getting it wrong,” she told CNA’s Singapore Tonight programme.
“Some clients, in their late 20s or early 30s, have never been in a relationship before. It’s a big problem. Their expectations of what a relationship is don’t come from real life, but from South Korean dramas.”
Trust is another growing concern.
With scams and AI-generated profiles becoming more sophisticated, users are increasingly cautious online. Platforms have responded with stricter verification measures, such as identity checks and profile verification.
Amid burnout, some singles are turning back to offline options.
“I can understand why people would go on paid dates and mixers, because you get to meet them face to face,” Mercado said.
“You can gauge whether you vibe (with the other person). You are also more likely to meet someone with the same intentions as you.”
Industry players are seeing the same trend.
Ms Lim noted that the current generation is seeking “real-life connections”.
“With dating app fatigue and being ghosted, they are moving back to … something that’s more genuine … matchmaking services or going for curated events,” she added.
Experts say the solution may not be more options, but better focus.
Singles should take time to understand what they truly want, rather than spreading themselves across multiple platforms, Ms Hassan said.
Ms Juay added that discipline is key – setting aside time daily to engage meaningfully and moving conversations offline.
“Don’t wait for things to happen by themselves. If you want it, work for it,” she said, urging singles to prioritise what truly matters, such as shared values.
“Beyond that, things like education, jobs or salaries are transient. They can change with time,” she added.
Ultimately, while technology can facilitate introductions, it cannot replace genuine human connection.
“Getting matched, going on a first date – (these) feel magical. This is not something that technology can orchestrate,” Ms Juay said.
“We need to be open-minded, to rekindle this kind of feeling again.”
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Over the past five years, the has tried multiple ways to meet people, from dating applications like Hinge and Bumble to curated offline dates through Kopi Date.
But instead of getting closer to being in a relationship, she now finds herself overwhelmed by what she calls “choice overload” on dating apps.
“It reduces the effectiveness because of how much it takes out of you to just keep putting yourself out there,” said the copywriter and content creator.
CNA Games
Show More Show Less
“If you're extroverted, you can keep talking to people, meeting up with people. But it can come to a point where (you realise) you keep going on these apps (but) nothing's working out.”
Her experience reflects a growing paradox in Singapore’s dating scene: Singles today have more ways than ever to meet – both online and offline – yet many say finding a meaningful connection feels harder than before.
MORE OPTIONS, LESS SUCCESS?
Today, singles can choose from a wide spectrum – algorithm-driven platforms, curated dating experiences and in-person mixers.
But the abundance of choice, particularly on dating apps, may be backfiring.
Singles whom CNA spoke to echoed Ms Mercado’s frustrations, saying they are inundated by the sheer number of profiles, fatigued by endless swiping, and jaded by conversations that rarely lead to real-life meetings.
Ms Shn Juay, CEO of dating platform Coffee Meets Bagel, noted that users today are often “paralysed” by endless options.
“When you're presented with so many options … over time, your mind is just trained to think there's always someone better, and you're always looking for that someone better,” she said.
“And you may then pass on (profiles) that may be suitable for you or someone who you would have thought is attractive.”
Because of this, Coffee Meets Bagel limits users to about 20 curated matches a day and pushes them to move conversations offline quickly, or have their matches expire.
Ms Juay said dating platforms remain appealing for their efficiency.
"Say, you knock off at 6pm or 7pm every day. How many offline events can you attend?” she questioned.
“Time is really limited. The quantity that you can unlock (on a dating app) is far more than who you can see at a single offline event.”
TOO MANY MATCHES, TOO LITTLE TIME
Even after matching online, some singles struggle to find time to meet amid demanding work schedules.
Long working hours, rising living costs and shifting priorities have also led many young adults to focus on careers, friendships and personal growth over romance.
Government data reflects this shift. As of 2024, more than three-quarters of Singaporeans aged 25 to 29 were single, and about four in 10 have never dated.
A brief history of dating in Singapore
Singapore’s dating landscape has evolved significantly over the decades.
In 1984, the government set up the Social Development Unit to encourage marriage, especially among university graduates, amid concerns that more educated women were staying single.
It organised events and outings to help people meet.
This later evolved into the Social Development Network, which widened the dating pool by completely removing the distinction between graduates and non-graduates.
By the 2000s, the government no longer tried to matchmake directly, working instead with dating agencies that offered services such as profile matching and relationship workshops.
Then came internet dating and the rise of digital platforms. Technology has since made dating faster, broader and more personalised – but also more complex.
In 2012, just 19 per cent of singles were open to online dating. By 2016, that had more than doubled to 43 per cent, according to a Singapore Marriage and Parenthood survey.
By 2021, the share of couples who met online had jumped to 29 per cent, from just 8 per cent in 2012.
Collapse Expand
Yet, the desire for marriage remains strong – eight in 10 young singles said in 2021 that they hope to marry and have children someday.
“A lot of them do want to settle down,” Mercado said of her peers.
“It’s just a case of not yet meeting the right person. Some are also a little bit jaded because of bad past experiences.”
The gap, experts say, lies between intention and action.
“(Many singles) have the intention but … they could be swiping and browsing rather than actually engaging, waiting rather than initiating, and hoping but not planning,” said Ms Violet Lim, CEO and co-founder dating agency Lunch Actually.
“It's really about taking action and putting themselves in the right environment to widen their social circle and meet new people.”
SHIFTING EXPECTATIONS, LESS CLARITY
Industry players say expectations have also changed.
Relationship coach and luxury matchmaking consultant Anisa Hassan noted that singles today are less intentional than they were two decades ago.
“(Previously), singles came to me committed and focused on wanting to find a life partner. They (were) not dismissive about the people being introduced to them,” said Ms Hassan, who founded Singapore-based high-end matchmaking company Date High Flyers.
“Now, there's a proliferation of dating platforms and apps (with) a wide pool of singles. Because there's so many options … people tend to be very quick to judge and then move on.”
Ms Lim noted that unrealistic expectations can also be a barrier, adding that it is increasingly harder to arrange dates, with clients more hesitant and selective.
“People are not just looking to find someone to settle down with, they are looking for someone to get it right. They are very afraid of getting it wrong,” she told CNA’s Singapore Tonight programme.
“Some clients, in their late 20s or early 30s, have never been in a relationship before. It’s a big problem. Their expectations of what a relationship is don’t come from real life, but from South Korean dramas.”
A SHIFT BACK TO REAL-LIFE CONNECTIONS?
Trust is another growing concern.
With scams and AI-generated profiles becoming more sophisticated, users are increasingly cautious online. Platforms have responded with stricter verification measures, such as identity checks and profile verification.
Related:
Amid burnout, some singles are turning back to offline options.
“I can understand why people would go on paid dates and mixers, because you get to meet them face to face,” Mercado said.
“You can gauge whether you vibe (with the other person). You are also more likely to meet someone with the same intentions as you.”
Industry players are seeing the same trend.
Ms Lim noted that the current generation is seeking “real-life connections”.
“With dating app fatigue and being ghosted, they are moving back to … something that’s more genuine … matchmaking services or going for curated events,” she added.
WHAT WORKS TODAY?
Experts say the solution may not be more options, but better focus.
Singles should take time to understand what they truly want, rather than spreading themselves across multiple platforms, Ms Hassan said.
Ms Juay added that discipline is key – setting aside time daily to engage meaningfully and moving conversations offline.
“Don’t wait for things to happen by themselves. If you want it, work for it,” she said, urging singles to prioritise what truly matters, such as shared values.
“Beyond that, things like education, jobs or salaries are transient. They can change with time,” she added.
Ultimately, while technology can facilitate introductions, it cannot replace genuine human connection.
“Getting matched, going on a first date – (these) feel magical. This is not something that technology can orchestrate,” Ms Juay said.
“We need to be open-minded, to rekindle this kind of feeling again.”
Related:
Continue reading...