SINGAPORE: More than a decade ago, Ms Olivia Pua left her marriage, taking her five-month-old baby with her.
Her then-husband was not ready to settle down or embrace parenthood, leading to constant arguments and an increasingly unhealthy home environment.
“I wanted to let everyone have a better life by moving forward,” she said. “Even when I was married … I already felt like a single mum. He didn't put in any responsibilities.”
Since then, Ms Pua has raised her son largely on her own, without alimony, relying on family support while juggling multiple jobs to make ends meet.
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The experience reshaped her views on marriage.
“If you cannot get a partner who can share (responsibilities) and add value to your life, then marriage is just a piece of paper,” the 38-year-old told CNA.
Ms Emmeline Low similarly turned away from an unequal partnership.
When she was pregnant with her third child, she realised she had been navigating motherhood largely alone – attending gynaecologist appointments by herself and caring for her children without meaningful support from her spouse.
The final straw came one night when she needed to go to the emergency department.
She recalled: “His reaction was that … he needed rest. My dad came all the way to my place to bring me to the hospital. That was when I thought it was time to move forward.”
Amid divorce proceedings, Ms Low took upskilling courses to improve her employability.
Today, the 39-year-old co-parents with her ex-husband, with their children spending time between both households.
Her perspective on relationships has also evolved.
“In my 20s, I wanted to find a good father for my future kids,” she said. “As I grow older … I want a life partner who should be able to provide, protect and solve problems.”
Stories like Ms Pua’s and Ms Low’s reflect a broader reality in Singapore: parents say unequal responsibility at home can strain marriages, influence decisions about having children and, in some cases, push couples apart.
This comes as Singapore’s total fertility rate fell to a record low of 0.87 in 2025.
Young people are also delaying marriage and parenthood. Latest government data from 2024 showed that the number of marriages fell by 7 per cent from the previous year, with the largest decline among couples aged 25 to 34.
At the same time, divorces and annulments rose by 3.7 per cent.
Meanwhile, the median age of first-time parents has climbed, with fathers increasing to 33.6 years in 2024 from 32.9 in 2014, and mothers to 31.9 from 30.4 over the same period.
Experts say that beyond shared responsibility, the reasons are complex.
“When you live in a highly competitive environment with high cost of living, fewer (feel) ready to become parents,” said Dr Mathew Mathews, a principal research fellow at the National University of Singapore’s Institute of Policy Studies (IPS).
The pressures of parenthood today extend well beyond financial costs.
Parents face time constraints, career trade-offs and growing expectations to provide the best for their children – from enrichment classes to quality time.
“It’s a multifaceted issue. In a country with high labour force participation, it's also the opportunity cost of raising a child,” said Dr Kalpana Vignehsa, a senior research fellow at IPS.
“For a mother who takes one year off when her child is born, does she lose out on promotion? Does her career stagnate? These factor into people's choices about parenting,” she told CNA’s Singapore Tonight.
For many, the challenge lies in fitting parenting into modern working life.
“I'm only human. Most days, I feel very overstimulated. At work, I'm (burnt out). When I come back home, it's the same thing over again,” said 37-year-old mother-of-four Erma Othman.
Long work hours and demanding jobs mean children in Singapore spend an average of 41 hours a week in childcare – among the highest globally, according to a November 2024 policy brief from A*Star’s Institute for Human Development and Potential.
In comparison, children in the United States typically spend about 25 to 33 hours a week in care.
With families relying heavily on formal care while both parents remain in the workforce, experts say support systems can make a crucial difference.
From involved spouses and grandparents to domestic helpers and childcare providers, parents say having a “village” can turn an overwhelming experience into a manageable one.
“It's nice that my husband and I delegate household chores. We'll fold our laundry at night while watching Netflix to lessen chores over the weekend, so we get to spend more time with the kids,” said Ms Othman.
Counsellor Lim Shan Shan described such support as “invisible scaffolding” that allows families to function.
“Mothers who can leave for work knowing their child is safe with a trusted caregiver, they return home more emotionally available. Children can feel that stability (when) parents show up calmer and more attuned,” she said.
Workplace flexibility is another key factor.
Dr Vignehsa noted that parents are more likely to consider having children when they have greater control over their time, such as reduced working hours or flexible schedules.
“Mothers bear a disproportionate share of childcare and domestic duties,” she said.
“Giving them flexibility (allows them) to take better control. When they feel like they are in more control, they feel like they can have more children.”
Ms Pua’s experience as a single mum also exposed gaps in such support from employers.
When her son was hospitalised with Kawasaki disease, she had to take unpaid leave as her company did not allow flexible work – worsening her financial strain.
She believes employers need to be more empathetic, and that more support should be extended to single parents.
Ultimately, experts say improving fertility rates is not just about financial incentives, but about reshaping the broader environment around parenthood.
“Parenthood continues to carry significant penalties … in the workplace, stress (levels), the sense of uncertainty,” said Dr Mathews. “We need more systemic changes.”
These include more flexible work arrangements, accessible childcare, housing security and stronger support for families – including those navigating divorce and single parenting.
Dr Vignehsa added that increasing government support can help shift workplace norms and encourage both fathers and mothers to take on more balanced roles.
For both Ms Pua and Ms Low, the idea of remarriage is not off the table. But their expectations are clear.
“This person must be emotionally and mentally there, throughout our ups and downs, face everything together and not disappear (when things) are down,” said Ms Pua.
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Her then-husband was not ready to settle down or embrace parenthood, leading to constant arguments and an increasingly unhealthy home environment.
“I wanted to let everyone have a better life by moving forward,” she said. “Even when I was married … I already felt like a single mum. He didn't put in any responsibilities.”
Since then, Ms Pua has raised her son largely on her own, without alimony, relying on family support while juggling multiple jobs to make ends meet.
CNA Games
Show More Show Less
The experience reshaped her views on marriage.
“If you cannot get a partner who can share (responsibilities) and add value to your life, then marriage is just a piece of paper,” the 38-year-old told CNA.
Ms Emmeline Low similarly turned away from an unequal partnership.
When she was pregnant with her third child, she realised she had been navigating motherhood largely alone – attending gynaecologist appointments by herself and caring for her children without meaningful support from her spouse.
The final straw came one night when she needed to go to the emergency department.
She recalled: “His reaction was that … he needed rest. My dad came all the way to my place to bring me to the hospital. That was when I thought it was time to move forward.”
Amid divorce proceedings, Ms Low took upskilling courses to improve her employability.
Today, the 39-year-old co-parents with her ex-husband, with their children spending time between both households.
Her perspective on relationships has also evolved.
“In my 20s, I wanted to find a good father for my future kids,” she said. “As I grow older … I want a life partner who should be able to provide, protect and solve problems.”
SOMBRE PARENTHOOD NUMBERS
Stories like Ms Pua’s and Ms Low’s reflect a broader reality in Singapore: parents say unequal responsibility at home can strain marriages, influence decisions about having children and, in some cases, push couples apart.
This comes as Singapore’s total fertility rate fell to a record low of 0.87 in 2025.
Young people are also delaying marriage and parenthood. Latest government data from 2024 showed that the number of marriages fell by 7 per cent from the previous year, with the largest decline among couples aged 25 to 34.
At the same time, divorces and annulments rose by 3.7 per cent.
Meanwhile, the median age of first-time parents has climbed, with fathers increasing to 33.6 years in 2024 from 32.9 in 2014, and mothers to 31.9 from 30.4 over the same period.
Experts say that beyond shared responsibility, the reasons are complex.
“When you live in a highly competitive environment with high cost of living, fewer (feel) ready to become parents,” said Dr Mathew Mathews, a principal research fellow at the National University of Singapore’s Institute of Policy Studies (IPS).
THE RISING COSTS BEYOND MONEY
The pressures of parenthood today extend well beyond financial costs.
Parents face time constraints, career trade-offs and growing expectations to provide the best for their children – from enrichment classes to quality time.
“It’s a multifaceted issue. In a country with high labour force participation, it's also the opportunity cost of raising a child,” said Dr Kalpana Vignehsa, a senior research fellow at IPS.
“For a mother who takes one year off when her child is born, does she lose out on promotion? Does her career stagnate? These factor into people's choices about parenting,” she told CNA’s Singapore Tonight.
For many, the challenge lies in fitting parenting into modern working life.
“I'm only human. Most days, I feel very overstimulated. At work, I'm (burnt out). When I come back home, it's the same thing over again,” said 37-year-old mother-of-four Erma Othman.
Long work hours and demanding jobs mean children in Singapore spend an average of 41 hours a week in childcare – among the highest globally, according to a November 2024 policy brief from A*Star’s Institute for Human Development and Potential.
In comparison, children in the United States typically spend about 25 to 33 hours a week in care.
SUPPORT SYSTEMS CRUCIAL
With families relying heavily on formal care while both parents remain in the workforce, experts say support systems can make a crucial difference.
From involved spouses and grandparents to domestic helpers and childcare providers, parents say having a “village” can turn an overwhelming experience into a manageable one.
“It's nice that my husband and I delegate household chores. We'll fold our laundry at night while watching Netflix to lessen chores over the weekend, so we get to spend more time with the kids,” said Ms Othman.
Counsellor Lim Shan Shan described such support as “invisible scaffolding” that allows families to function.
“Mothers who can leave for work knowing their child is safe with a trusted caregiver, they return home more emotionally available. Children can feel that stability (when) parents show up calmer and more attuned,” she said.
GREATER FLEXIBILITY HELPS
Workplace flexibility is another key factor.
Dr Vignehsa noted that parents are more likely to consider having children when they have greater control over their time, such as reduced working hours or flexible schedules.
“Mothers bear a disproportionate share of childcare and domestic duties,” she said.
“Giving them flexibility (allows them) to take better control. When they feel like they are in more control, they feel like they can have more children.”
Ms Pua’s experience as a single mum also exposed gaps in such support from employers.
When her son was hospitalised with Kawasaki disease, she had to take unpaid leave as her company did not allow flexible work – worsening her financial strain.
She believes employers need to be more empathetic, and that more support should be extended to single parents.
SHAPING THE FUTURE OF PARENTHOOD
Ultimately, experts say improving fertility rates is not just about financial incentives, but about reshaping the broader environment around parenthood.
“Parenthood continues to carry significant penalties … in the workplace, stress (levels), the sense of uncertainty,” said Dr Mathews. “We need more systemic changes.”
These include more flexible work arrangements, accessible childcare, housing security and stronger support for families – including those navigating divorce and single parenting.
Dr Vignehsa added that increasing government support can help shift workplace norms and encourage both fathers and mothers to take on more balanced roles.
For both Ms Pua and Ms Low, the idea of remarriage is not off the table. But their expectations are clear.
“This person must be emotionally and mentally there, throughout our ups and downs, face everything together and not disappear (when things) are down,” said Ms Pua.
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